GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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