trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize