Umm I'm too high to move.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Shame - the story of my life.
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