We won't sleep together?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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