Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
sarcasm needs its own font
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
