you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
