Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
