don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
