...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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