you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize