They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
