I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
