I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
