so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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