you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
