Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
