she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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