I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
