I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
