this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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