so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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