You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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