i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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