my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
