8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
