I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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