i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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