If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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