we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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