Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
