you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
