I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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