nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
