Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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