we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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