Who did Billy Mays play for?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
