Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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