i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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