The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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