I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
