We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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