how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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