Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
