dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
They have beer where we have blood.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
