Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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