and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
