No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
