My liver just broke up with me...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
