I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
