i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
