At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
