Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
