I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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