I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
