put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
