No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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