remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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