Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
