Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
