remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
