I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
