I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He has the fingertips of a God
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