Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize