nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
if only i could text you this smell
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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