u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't deserve a penis
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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