He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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