well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
