when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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