Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There's always time for handjobs
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
