No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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