my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
