Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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