You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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