The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
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I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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