He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
