Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
