wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
